I am writing this on a plane heading back home from a planned short trip to Seoul with my closest friends. I took a pause from watching Conclave (really gripping at least halfway to it before the pause) and take advantage of my complimentary wifi to maybe put into words what a month this has been.

At the end of the last year, I had made myself believe to finally accomplishing a few goals I’ve set myself for the year. I’m actually quite flexible in this department and deliberately avoid putting pressure on myself over things such as resolutions or time-bound goals. But I ended the year with a looming feeling that I feel like I am heading towards a shift or a different chapter in my life. I’ll be 38 this year (a few years short of 40), my eldest will be moving on to a “bigger school”, my husband and I will be celebrating our 7th year of marriage, the law firm I co-founded will enter its 5th year since we started during the height of the pandemic. While those things may justify the reason for that internal feeling of a —shift— I believe what pushed me to go against any pressure was this empowering feeling of finally knowing my life has evolved to a place where I can look at it with so much gratitude that even if any of my ambitious goals falter, it will be okay.

It is also interesting that while I think, deal, start with all these goals, plans, and ideas for the year and what’s to come, I find myself with the opportunity to reflect a lot of the past — my childhood, my schooling, the evolution of myself and my relationships with others.

At the start of the year, my husband and I together with the kids went to our special family Baguio trip. My kids have gone yearly since they were babies allowing us to visit relatively the same places and allowing me to witness how they experience these same places differently as they grow and slowly be their own persons. I truly find joy and meaning in seeing how much they remember and also how their views and opinions have changed over certain experiences. Hearing their why's, not only as a matter of question, but also one that shows their acceptance and understanding over the why. Acknowledging that these are only fleeting phases especially during those difficult moments where I do wane with exhaustion and exasperation has been a calming afterthought. Aren’t all parents just works-in-progress?

While I was thinking about what I wanted to say as part of my speech for my dad’s birthday, I allowed myself to go to those emotional places that are hinged to my core memories as a child, teen, young adult, and most significantly, as a parent. It felt like a personal emotional journey of looking back, mostly at the most mundane moments, and realizing how my life/self has evolved. I could write many essays about that, but the core thesis statement, would always revolve around understanding how love can be shown, hidden, and manifested in different, even conflicting, ways - silent, enduring, courageous, patient, confusing, loud, passionate, and steadfast.

I guess after I wrote that one last sentence down, I feel like I’ve digressed. Maybe those thoughts will reveal itself over at a different time and place.

As I took on freezing weather in Seoul (the coldest I’ve ever felt) and marvel at the beauty of seeing a beautiful thick white blanket of snow gracefully sit atop Seoul Forest grounds, I am grateful for that much needed break. New and familiar experiences. An opportunity for learning. The comfort and amusement over my friend’s consistent travel quirks. Great food and lots of laughs with my best of friends. I cannot wait to get back to my family and take on the year where I long to write more and fill my days with more creative pursuits.

I’ve also migrated my domain (www.pearlmargaret.com) to link straight to this Substack with the intention to create and write more in this space. It feels very intimate but I hope it also allows me to feel less overwhelmed with the weight of what I’d like to create.

Subscribe now

For the first few days of the year 2025, I mostly spent it dealing with two loud kids who just want mommy 24/7 whilst we were in the thick of household repairs, air conditioning maintenance, general cleaning, and decluttering. We just finished and it’s always so nice that once all the decors were properly kept away that our place suddenly felt much bigger.

After spending quite some time sorting through my kids’ things, I started reflecting on all the “essentials” I felt I had to buy during my pregnancy and during that rollercoaster of their first year. That gave me the idea to share some of the items I purchased when my kids were babies (under 12 months) that we’re still using now, with my eldest at 5 years old and my youngest at 3.5. For the past 5 years since becoming a mom, I’ll admit I’ve fallen victim to countless YouTube videos and Facebook groups detailing their so-called newborn and baby essentials. The truth is, clutter can accumulate so quickly. And even if 9 out of 10 parents swear by a particular “must-have” item, it can still happen that your baby—or your family’s unique dynamics—can render that item unnecessary or completely useless.1

1. White noise machines - I have two which I bought even before I gave birth to my eldest and consistently use it to this day. Hatch is great because it syncs to an app that I can regulate through my phone and I can set a timer which controls the volume, type of white noise, and the light. The other one is a the compact version that also doubles as a Bluetooth speaker and light which is so handy when traveling.

2. Pillows - The ones here are the super soft Baa Baa Sheepz pillows that we have in all sizes. Actually, we have several of these and have retired a few as well due to the fact that my youngest loves them. He does not have any “lovey” while he was a baby so this was the one that stuck. Until now, touching the triangles still makes him so sleepy. The Mamaway moon pillow which I used for breastfeeding religiously for maybe a total of 2 years is now my husband’s favorite pillow. I had to include it because the quality is great and adults can really use it.

3. UV Sterilizer - It’s a bit annoying how they marketed it as a way to sterilize bottles or breastpump parts. Now that we don’t use bottles nor do I pump, I use this still regularly to sterilize personal items. It’s just handy. I also moved it from my kids’ room to ours.

4. Learning Tower - Our Architoyz one is compact and foldable and just fits our small set-up at home. It’s being used daily (and even for play!), so we definitely reached our ROI with this thing years ago.

5. Splash mats - We did Baby Led Weaning (BLW) for both my kids and purchased these mats partly for that. But it has evolved to be extremely useful for their messy or water/paint activities. It is so easy to clean, wash, and even wipe.

6. Feeding items - Almost all the silicone plates that I purchased during their solids try-out for BLW back when they were babies are still completely intact and being used daily. Our favorites include the Beaba and Marcus & Marcus ones.

7. B.box Tumblers - We love these because of that rubber silicone at the end. Ours have withstood a lot of throws and falls. It’s really sturdy! Also, you can buy the straws separately.

8. A sturdy high chair that can accommodate their growth - I remember buying this during lockdown by messaging an online shop and booking a courier on the exact day my eldest would be trying out solids for the first time. She was exactly 5 months then. This high chair is easy to clean and so sturdy. It can even be used by an adult with just a few easy configurations. It also blends with our decor so it is not an eyesore.

Let me know which baby essentials have you also been using up to now and whether you enjoy these little list things.

This year, I managed to read more, which feels like a personal triumph. I reveled in the fantasy, lore, myths, and romance I consumed, and I have no intention of stopping. That immersion fueled my need to live purposefully, to create and consume art that sustains and fulfills me. I only with to be able to connect more with artists and hear there stories more in the coming year.

I usually enjoy this time of the year. The past few days have been exhausting as I have been doing the usual decluttering and cleaning. It always feels so good to do this at the end of the year where clutter build up takes a life of its own. The lead up to that new year where I spend time sorting, cleaning, and being decisive with all that stuff makes me feel in control and — cheesy as it may sound — empowered. There’s nothing like being able to know that something can find a better home and that I can just acknowledge that that thing is not necessary anymore.

Surprisingly, this December has been less hectic than I expected. It has felt slower, quieter. We didn’t make any grand plans, and work has been manageable. Even the kids are starting to enjoy being home and entertaining themselves. Still, the sensory overload can be intense, and I’ve learned to carve out moments for myself during the day to decompress. I have been getting a lot better at this. But I also know that my kids at this age will continue to evolve independently and interdependently. Their relationship and dynamics has also changed so much. It’s quite an adventure worthy of another post.

As I reflect on 2024—or at least try to—it feels like there’s a weight to that exercise, a pressure I can’t quite accommodate at this moment. Instead, I’m stealing a few moments of peace after folding laundry, cleaning office shelves, sorting one drawer after another, and playing with my kids as they constantly pull me into their world. It’s a lot, but it’s a start.

Hope to see you guys here. Thank you and Happy New Year!

I am usually pretty calm, but I do get emotional, especially when I am in poor health or in the brink of exhaustion. I’ve had so many rough nights since being a mom of 2 young kids, so this night (although this situation was a first!) was not even that bad.

I’m sitting with my laptop beside my 2-year-old who is currently napping peacefully. I thought of napping as well but my mind is somehow racing to type these thoughts. Thoughts on how this new stage of parenting has evolved for me.

Two kids. It’s a very interesting stage where they are becoming more and more like siblings whilst developing their relationship as well as their own selves. I feel like their dynamics majorly shape their current identities and personalities. At least at this stage. It is truly fascinating.

It is also very hard.

While I scour the web and devour articles on social media about the best kind of parenting backed by experts or studies, I, at least at this very moment, come back to two things that I am strongly working on at this stage:

1. The inner work. You can’t be a good parent without the right internal foundations. And this has got a lot to do with a healthy mindset, emotional regulation, and the sheer grace from allowing yourself to recover from your mistakes. This will always be a work in progress. But I’ve learned that a level of awareness and honesty with yourself is necessary to be able to work on the healing.

2. Establishing valuable connection with your kids. As I read more about gentle parenting or establishing boundaries, my core take home principle is the importance of building quality connection with your kids. I’m lucky that I have the privilege to be incredibly hands on with them while still having the help we have. There’s a lot to talk about this, but the simplest way to emphasize this is to just spend time with them. Enter their world. Get to know them deeply without allowing any of our judgments and biases (no matter how right we are) to interfere in the process. It is very special.

I still have so much to learn and so much inner work to do. Purposeful parenting and all these talk about boundaries during these modern times become challenging because I feel like we can only witness the fruition of our hard work years from now when we get to see our little ones be a (please Lord!) much better generation than any of us now. An immense gift. But even then, I’d like to tell you that I have personally seen small glimpses — revelations — that these two things work. It is such a special moment to realize and affirm that I am doing the right thing. It’s so worth it.

But this space was always meant to chronicle my journey as a parent of two and, maybe a memoir of the many hats I wear for my own personal consumption. I should start writing more and make sense of all these thoughts that need to be expelled from this hybrid mom-lawyer brain. I had to write and highlight the lawyer side because I just finished drafting very interesting legal work (which is very commercial in nature) that I have never done before in the realm of Intellectual Property (my legal industry practice) and I feel mentally drained but accomplished. The high from all the morning productivity has pushed me to continue writing.

This post might be a bit longer than usual as I will try to include all the half-baked entries resting on my dashboard drafts. Here we go…

I had a draft about dealing with my three-nager testing out all my gentle parenting skills. The past month up to the present has my three-year-old being quite the person that she is. Headstrong (stubborn), spirited (shouts like 85% of the time), and with quite the logic, rationality, and verbosity of a teen. I have got my hands full! The science behind this suggests that this is all normal and part of their development and while I know all that, it still does not make it easy.

One of the posts I meant to write more about is this process of decluttering and intentional consumption. After my trip to Japan more than a month ago, I felt like I had to make this decision to have intentional consumption as part of my goals. This is not really a move specifically towards minimalism, but more of a mindset shift and value reflection. I read, researched, and watched a lot of videos on this. It was extremely satisfying to be able to look at this from various perspectives and align it with the kind of lifestyle we have now as a family. Satisfying but so so difficult. But while in the process of being more mindful about this, I get to learn more about the psyche or my underlying thoughts and feelings that challenge this goal. There has definitely been a shift in mindset but the implementation is not 100% (or even 80% there). I’ll update you guys about this sometime.

Both my kids now are in the mama all-the-time mode and it has been very challenging to work and accomplish all my tasks. While it is pretty sweet and endearing that they just want to spend time with me, I may have to assess my working situation at home and consider *gasp* actually going to our office (since we now have one). I swear, the moment I have figured out a stable schedule that meets all my needs (family, health, work, self-care), something just throws me off and makes me reassess everything. Of course, that’s just life. But it can be frustrating. Recently, I had a really bad gastro-related nightmare and it just left me feeling obviously physically weak and emotionally distraught. I had this thought cross again during those moments while recovering and gaining back my strength that my existence is now more about others and goes way beyond myself. I say this as a wife, a mother of two very young kids, an employer for our household/law firm/colleagues, and a counsel for my clients. It is a life of privilege but one that also carries so much weight.

I figure I’d like to share something with my very limited readership of things that have helped me go through life lately:

1. Music - I have been obsessed with NWJNS (NewJeans) lately and I feel very weird stanning this new group because of my age. As someone who does not need to add another fandom (apart from being a proud ARMY), I am really perplexed. But they are addicting and their sound is so good. The Y2K vibes and 90s moves just get me. I absolutely love watching the video below of them recording because they’re adorable and just extremely talented for their age.

2. Parenting - Social Media is filled with a TON of parenting accounts that are extremely helpful and comforting. My current favorite ATM is this account by Dr. David and Amanda Erickson. The one below is my recent “saved” post under my “Parenting” IG folder.

3. Series - Not gonna lie. I still haven’t caught up on Last of Us because I’ve been either working, watching NewJeans or BTS Reactions, or tending to my two kids. I recently discovered the K-Drama Love to Hate You just yesterday because I was nursing a massive headache and wanted to watch a K-Drama. So far, I like it. I find it very entertaining.

4. Tech - I’m still being mindful of my consumption but I have invested in the Airpods Max headphones in pink and I LOVE IT. The noise canceling is awesome and kinda dangerous since I almost hit my son when apparently he was just beside me when he touched me and I got so startled. He has been there for a few minutes and calling me out and I did not hear it all.

5. Photos - I’ll leave this post with these lovely instax mini film shots that I took of my daughter when we were in Pico de Loro last week.

   

   Would love to hear about your life lately, as well.

   Leave a comment

I was also in Tokyo during my last trip and about 6 weeks pregnant with my eldest daughter. I was basically struggling throughout with fatigue, exhaustion, and nausea (plus an aversion to most foods). This time is different. I now have two kids. This trip was kind of a spur of the moment when I learned my family had booked theirs already. Not sure if it was FOMO but I’m just grateful that my husband agreed.

This is not meant to be a travel entry. Maybe, I’ll consider a separate post on some Tokyo haunts for those who are interested and have messaged me on my Instagram. I know a lot of my friends are planning to go here soon. But let me take this moment to share some personal thoughts:

1. It’s Sunday and the streets of Tokyo are filled with families out and about including the cutest kids.

2. My heart melts and aches when I see these kids and their families because I get these strong pangs of longing as I miss my babies terribly.

3. There are a lot of tourists (including families!) here in Tokyo and I also love observing how foreign parents interact and go on vacation with their kids. It’s such a different experience traveling now as a parent.

4. I don’t feel the least bit guilty taking this trip without my kids. I truly respect those who do and feel bad leaving their kids. I get it. I also know that these circumstances come with a certain sense of privilege. After our trip to South Korea last November, I already know that we can’t travel with the kids yet. At least to Japan at this time.

5. My husband and I traveling on our own again is just so nourishing. I get to sit on my own emotions and thoughts — mostly about myself. It’s not something proactive really. As an extrovert, I gather energy and strength from my external surroundings. Change in my environment — people, places, circumstances, can have a profound internal effect.

I’ll stop here for a moment and let myself wander a bit.

On a different note, I’ve finally chosen a new title for this substack publication. It’s called The Hats We Wear and basically just chronicles the different roles I take. Thank you to those who have subscribed. Feel free to share your thoughts and recommendations in Tokyo.

The past 3 NYEs have been very quiet. Instead of ringing through the new year loudly, I’d prioritize making more family memories during the day. After all, infant/toddler sleep is not something you mess with. It’s just not worth it.

I’m not big on resolutions. Even reflections. Back when I was younger and used to journal actively, it was more about immortalizing in words how I felt at the moment. So, I’ll just do that now.

I find comfort in routines, especially now that I’m a parent. Establishing routines and maintaining consistency is a huge part of my day and responsibility (or at least that is how I feel about it). Huge changes such as the holidays plus the HUGE change of nursing 2 sick kids for the past week or so have affected our routines gravely and I am still trying to come to terms with it emotionally and mentally.

That is a huge part of my struggle as a mom (or maybe for Type-A mom on the lower spectrum haha). When you feel triumphant over establishing great routines and then something just shifts causing this to “breakdown”, I am not just caught off-guard, but I do tend to get a little paralyzed. So it’s up to me to accept, recover, adjust, and power through FAST because my job is not confined to these roles or routines. Instead, my job is big on maneuvering these changes to work for our family to be able to make intentional decisions that will nurture everyone. Thus, I go back to the need for self-regulation.

I will try to put into words a lot of the mixed emotions I’m currently feeling at this moment.

I am excited. My husband and I are going on another short trip very soon to one of our favorite cities. Planning for trips gives me an instant high, so yes, this has been what helped me emotionally while in the thick of taking care of the kids.

I am anxious. The level is manageable because the anxiety is mostly over the fact that I have a LOT of things to accomplish before we leave. Maybe I should make a list here just to purge what’s in my head:

• Pack the Christmas decors/season decors

• Declutter the linen closet

• Prepare the things needed for house repairs

• Schedule meetings/deadlines (both work and personal)

• Continue my separate list regarding our new law firm office

• Pickup travel essentials including my old winter clothes from another place

• Pack/plan for the kids’ “vacation” at my inlaws

• Run personal self-care errands

I feel proud. I don’t know if it’s me being a true Leo but acknowledging one’s self-worth and accomplishments is how I keep my mental health up. I have long ago realized that if I keep seeking affirmation from someone else, I am setting myself up for a lot of insecurity and pain.

Lastly, I feel grateful. Gratitude always seemed something a bit grander when it’s scattered (superficially) in social media and takes on many insta-filtered forms. For me, I’ve felt this in the little moments - gentle heart squeezes from intense emotions that flood even when nothing is said. I am lucky that I get to feel this so much more now that both kids are getting a bit older.

Happy New Year to everyone who chances upon this post. May everyone find some peace over the fresh clean slate a new year brings.

Share Pearl Margaret's Substack

Sick kids are so tough, especially when they’re still so young. It’s like you can only do so much and yet these things are met with so much repulsion and agony on their end. From administering medicine to the struggle of taking their temperatures, I am left in utter frustration. Then there’s the actual sickness that renders them fussy, irritated, in pain, and just miserable.

So yes, I’m miserable. Fuses are lit and everyone is on the edge.

And you all know that parenting is a lot of self-regulation on the parent’s end. It means constantly searching for that inner zen, strength, and patience. It means keeping it together for your husband, for your household to remain clean and bountiful, and for your family to have a decent Christmas.

I know that my Type-A self is the one that will — is burdened by the pressure of it all. I’m also a mom which really means I don’t have a choice but to soldier on. This is not an attempt to box my new life in any way. Part of being a wife and a parent is living through a spectrum of emotions that can change every minute or less. Every unexpected turn grounds me to simple truths and complex feelings.

On the 24th nearing dinner time, we noticed our son’s breathing made crackling noises, so I immediately alerted my doctor sister (since our pedia was abroad), and a series of calls and messages through a couple of pedias ensued. What followed was a decision to stay at home (instead of spending Noche Buena elsewhere) and a trip to the drugstore to find a nebulizer and then to my mom’s place to ruin her beautiful spread by asking for takeaways so we can have food at home.

Of course, my heart sank.

I just wanted my kids to be better.

And they are getting better. They also enjoyed their presents.

But as I say, it is a spectrum of emotions. I wish I could say that I’m happy to know that they’re safe and getting better. I wish I could just revel in gratitude for these small things. Like when I read Christmas messages across social media saying how grateful they are.

But the truth is, I still feel a bit heartbroken that this happened to us right smack during the Holidays. That plans were ruined and I felt like I couldn’t add to the magic of Christmas that we moms are responsible for. I may have intended this post to do some wallowing, but I also just want to sprinkle some truth by writing this down as a snippet of a Christmas memory. The one where I am grounded by simple truths such as how much my kids are loved beyond words — and all the complex emotions that I can’t really even begin writing down as they are muddled by the need to persevere and soldier on as our family (and household) go through this.

Hope you guys had a more festive time. Merry Christmas!

Subscribe now

How to start…

Obviously, the internet is NOT the same as it was a few years ago when I attempted to start blogging again, or even decades ago when I was a High-Schooler passionate about web design and all the frills and thrills that came with it. How things can rapidly change and all the new changes right now escape me.

So, why this, why now?

Despite the fact that the internet is not the same, what even blows my mind further, is that I am also very far from the person a few years ago, or decades ago. What I’ve realized is that there are things that I want to immerse myself in over the internet (TikTok is not one of them) and that I feel like I have to expel a huge sum of what’s going on inside of me to a very small part of the internet world. Words, thoughts, stories… these things have fueled me back when I was a kid up to this point where I’m now a mom of two, in the middle of balancing our own law practice with my husband and friends.

So, why not add this to my growing list of responsibilities?

Because this means something to me (well, at least at the very moment I am writing this.)

I chanced upon an acquaintance’s substack whose way with words have blown me over several times before. It’s the kind of writing I aspire to be knowing its impossibility. But it was enough for me to open this account, tinker with the settings for a bit, and open up photoshop for a couple of minutes to come up with a random logo minus the pressure.

There are countless ways to grow this. But I’m not sure what kind of community of readership I'd target or grow.

I was just about to write a list of what you guys can expect but I feel like I’m just setting myself up for trouble. So, I won’t box myself this early on. If you know me in real life or follow me on Instagram, then you will probably have some idea of what you can see here. But I do hope I can reach out to some sort of community.

For now, please subscribe and let me fill your inboxes with photos like the one below!