The 1st of January and a new year (2023)

Not here to reflect or create goals, but to talk about this very moment. Happy New Year!

I was up until 11:30 PM last night when I made a decision to just sleep. I was really exhausted and I was getting paranoid about my health lately since we are now at the tail end of my two kids being sick throughout Christmas. Prioritizing rest is just how it is when you are still parenting two very young kids.

The past 3 NYEs have been very quiet. Instead of ringing through the new year loudly, I’d prioritize making more family memories during the day. After all, infant/toddler sleep is not something you mess with. It’s just not worth it.

I’m not big on resolutions. Even reflections. Back when I was younger and used to journal actively, it was more about immortalizing in words how I felt at the moment. So, I’ll just do that now.

I find comfort in routines, especially now that I’m a parent. Establishing routines and maintaining consistency is a huge part of my day and responsibility (or at least that is how I feel about it). Huge changes such as the holidays plus the HUGE change of nursing 2 sick kids for the past week or so have affected our routines gravely and I am still trying to come to terms with it emotionally and mentally.

That is a huge part of my struggle as a mom (or maybe for Type-A mom on the lower spectrum haha). When you feel triumphant over establishing great routines and then something just shifts causing this to “breakdown”, I am not just caught off-guard, but I do tend to get a little paralyzed. So it’s up to me to accept, recover, adjust, and power through FAST because my job is not confined to these roles or routines. Instead, my job is big on maneuvering these changes to work for our family to be able to make intentional decisions that will nurture everyone. Thus, I go back to the need for self-regulation.

I will try to put into words a lot of the mixed emotions I’m currently feeling at this moment.

I am excited. My husband and I are going on another short trip very soon to one of our favorite cities. Planning for trips gives me an instant high, so yes, this has been what helped me emotionally while in the thick of taking care of the kids.

I am anxious. The level is manageable because the anxiety is mostly over the fact that I have a LOT of things to accomplish before we leave. Maybe I should make a list here just to purge what’s in my head:

• Pack the Christmas decors/season decors

• Declutter the linen closet

• Prepare the things needed for house repairs

• Schedule meetings/deadlines (both work and personal)

• Continue my separate list regarding our new law firm office

• Pickup travel essentials including my old winter clothes from another place

• Pack/plan for the kids’ “vacation” at my inlaws

• Run personal self-care errands

I feel proud. I don’t know if it’s me being a true Leo but acknowledging one’s self-worth and accomplishments is how I keep my mental health up. I have long ago realized that if I keep seeking affirmation from someone else, I am setting myself up for a lot of insecurity and pain.

Lastly, I feel grateful. Gratitude always seemed something a bit grander when it’s scattered (superficially) in social media and takes on many insta-filtered forms. For me, I’ve felt this in the little moments - gentle heart squeezes from intense emotions that flood even when nothing is said. I am lucky that I get to feel this so much more now that both kids are getting a bit older.

Happy New Year to everyone who chances upon this post. May everyone find some peace over the fresh clean slate a new year brings.

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