The 25th of December (2022)
Here's to having two sick kids on Christmas Eve. Wrote this on Christmas Day.
I had a whole draft post about how the holidays have changed post-pandemic and as a mom of two. But it’s Dec 25th now and I’m writing this down — a little emotional over the fact that my 2 kids have been sick since the 23rd.
Sick kids are so tough, especially when they’re still so young. It’s like you can only do so much and yet these things are met with so much repulsion and agony on their end. From administering medicine to the struggle of taking their temperatures, I am left in utter frustration. Then there’s the actual sickness that renders them fussy, irritated, in pain, and just miserable.
So yes, I’m miserable. Fuses are lit and everyone is on the edge.
And you all know that parenting is a lot of self-regulation on the parent’s end. It means constantly searching for that inner zen, strength, and patience. It means keeping it together for your husband, for your household to remain clean and bountiful, and for your family to have a decent Christmas.
I know that my Type-A self is the one that will — is burdened by the pressure of it all. I’m also a mom which really means I don’t have a choice but to soldier on. This is not an attempt to box my new life in any way. Part of being a wife and a parent is living through a spectrum of emotions that can change every minute or less. Every unexpected turn grounds me to simple truths and complex feelings.
On the 24th nearing dinner time, we noticed our son’s breathing made crackling noises, so I immediately alerted my doctor sister (since our pedia was abroad), and a series of calls and messages through a couple of pedias ensued. What followed was a decision to stay at home (instead of spending Noche Buena elsewhere) and a trip to the drugstore to find a nebulizer and then to my mom’s place to ruin her beautiful spread by asking for takeaways so we can have food at home.
Of course, my heart sank.
I just wanted my kids to be better.
And they are getting better. They also enjoyed their presents.
But as I say, it is a spectrum of emotions. I wish I could say that I’m happy to know that they’re safe and getting better. I wish I could just revel in gratitude for these small things. Like when I read Christmas messages across social media saying how grateful they are.
But the truth is, I still feel a bit heartbroken that this happened to us right smack during the Holidays. That plans were ruined and I felt like I couldn’t add to the magic of Christmas that we moms are responsible for. I may have intended this post to do some wallowing, but I also just want to sprinkle some truth by writing this down as a snippet of a Christmas memory. The one where I am grounded by simple truths such as how much my kids are loved beyond words — and all the complex emotions that I can’t really even begin writing down as they are muddled by the need to persevere and soldier on as our family (and household) go through this.
Hope you guys had a more festive time. Merry Christmas!
