This Stage of Parenting
And my 2-cents on how I have been working on this very interesting stage.
My eldest (who is 4 years old) had a brief (but personally harrowing) stint of some form of gastroenteritis and vomited about 7 times since last night’s dinner up to about 1:30AM. From the time she slept at 8:30PM, she woke up several times to vomit. I had to stay near her the entire night trying to clean, layer on waterproof mats, hold her long hair back, give her sips of electrolyte juice, and watch her peacefully rest again. I barely slept and quite exhausted but also relieved that the vomiting had stopped and was able to sleep straight after the last episode. She is much better now and back to her usual self while I try to function as well as one who slept for about 5 very light hours.
I am usually pretty calm, but I do get emotional, especially when I am in poor health or in the brink of exhaustion. I’ve had so many rough nights since being a mom of 2 young kids, so this night (although this situation was a first!) was not even that bad.
I’m sitting with my laptop beside my 2-year-old who is currently napping peacefully. I thought of napping as well but my mind is somehow racing to type these thoughts. Thoughts on how this new stage of parenting has evolved for me.
Two kids. It’s a very interesting stage where they are becoming more and more like siblings whilst developing their relationship as well as their own selves. I feel like their dynamics majorly shape their current identities and personalities. At least at this stage. It is truly fascinating.
It is also very hard.
While I scour the web and devour articles on social media about the best kind of parenting backed by experts or studies, I, at least at this very moment, come back to two things that I am strongly working on at this stage:
The inner work. You can’t be a good parent without the right internal foundations. And this has got a lot to do with a healthy mindset, emotional regulation, and the sheer grace from allowing yourself to recover from your mistakes. This will always be a work in progress. But I’ve learned that a level of awareness and honesty with yourself is necessary to be able to work on the healing.
Establishing valuable connection with your kids. As I read more about gentle parenting or establishing boundaries, my core take home principle is the importance of building quality connection with your kids. I’m lucky that I have the privilege to be incredibly hands on with them while still having the help we have. There’s a lot to talk about this, but the simplest way to emphasize this is to just spend time with them. Enter their world. Get to know them deeply without allowing any of our judgments and biases (no matter how right we are) to interfere in the process. It is very special.
I still have so much to learn and so much inner work to do. Purposeful parenting and all these talk about boundaries during these modern times become challenging because I feel like we can only witness the fruition of our hard work years from now when we get to see our little ones be a (please Lord!) much better generation than any of us now. An immense gift. But even then, I’d like to tell you that I have personally seen small glimpses — revelations — that these two things work. It is such a special moment to realize and affirm that I am doing the right thing. It’s so worth it.